Happy, Mad, Silly, Sad

To all parents who have ever given their kid the wrong medication (or the wrong dosage!), procrastinated about taking him to his first visit to the dentist, given him a sponge bath while he's sleeping, or other similar parental "mistakes" (I've done all these myself -- sorry, baby), this post is for you.

My 2 1/2 year old daughter, Maia, absolutely loves the "Happy, Mad, Silly, Sad" episode of Barney (yep, that annoying purple Dinosaur with an even more annoying sidekick, Baby Bop). I've watched this episode so many, many times, I've memorized all the songs! One such song goes, in part:

"Sometimes I feel happy / and that's just fine with me / I think feeling happy is my favorite way to be / You can tell I'm happy by the smile on my face / Yes, sometimes I feel happy / you can see it on my face ...

Sometimes I feel angry / 'cause some things make me mad / I get so upset whenever someone treats me bad / You can tell I'm angry by the frown on my face / Yes, sometimes I feel angry / You can see it on my face ...

Sometimes I feel sad / 'cause some things make me blue / I pucker up my little lip and cry a tear or two / You can tell I'm sad by the look on my face / Yes, sometimes I feel sad / you can see it on my face ...

Yes, I can tell what you're feeling ... I can see it on your face ..."

So, this afternoon Maia was "performing" the song for her lola (her grandmother), complete with funny facial expressions for each "feeling" described in the song (she will be an actress when she grows up, I just know it), and I made the "mistake" of asking her little cousin, Tina, who happened to be around, to show me her happy and mad faces.

Tina's Dad jumps at me, "Heidi, no, no, don't," he says, "We'd rather not teach her those things ..."

I didn't get what he was saying at first so I asked, "What?"

Tina's mom pipes in, "He (Tina's Dad) doesn't like talking to her of any feeling other than happy." (Or some sorry explanation like that.)

I wanted to retort, "So you don't talk to her about feelings?," but bit my lip. I had no business telling another kid's parents how to raise their child.

But I thought, Wow. I always assumed that all parents want their kids to know it's alright for them to feel sad or mad. I mean, it's one thing to protect your child from things and people that make her sad or mad; it's quite another to protect her from the feeling itself. I mean, you're essentially telling her she can't ever feel bad. (I've found an interesting read on the subject, incidentally, on BabyCenter.com -- a great resource for parents, like me, who oftentimes get lost in all the new -- as opposed to your parents' -- "rules" about raising a child. It says validating negative emotions and verbalizing feelings allows kids to develop the skills needed to better manage them.)

So I was totally flabbergasted to learn that poor Tina (who is only turning 2 next week) has essentially been told she can't or shouldn't feel anything but happy. And equally flabbergasted to be told that I was somehow teaching the child something wrong when I asked her to show me her "mad" face. Well, whatever ... Tina's not my kid, thank God. So it's none of my business really what her parents teach her. I have to deal with my own parental mistakes. They can go ahead and commit their own.

The other day, Maia tells me, her lips in an exaggerated pout, "Mama, I sad." So I ask her why in my most sympathetic, worried tone and she replies, "Because Baby Anne (the doll she was then carrying) is cuying (crying; Maia's not quite mastered her "r's" yet). She's sick." (I later learned the doll had fallen off the bed.) She quickly rubs the doll's forehead saying, "Oh, my poor baby." Then she gently kisses the doll's cheek and asks, "Bettey?"

I have a feeling we're doing okay ...