A Mother's Anguish

"Lorenzo... Lorenzo, listen to Mama. Can you hear me, my darling? If this is too much for you, my sweetheart,... well then you fly, you fly as fast as you can to baby Jesus. It's OK. Mama and Papa will be OK."

In this scene from the movie, "Lorenzo's Oil", Michaela (played by Susan Sarandon) cradles and rocks her son, Lorenzo, while the boy is screaming in a hospital ward from ... pain? frustration? the cold? ... It was a pivotal scene -- the point at which Michaela, who has thus far fought ferociously to protect her son(and herself) from the despair of people and doctors around her little boy, was ready to let him go. Not for her sake -- but to spare him from the pain and suffering brought by the disease that ravaged his body and his mind and that at every instant tore her heart.

I saw this movie long ago when I was single. There was nothing remarkable about it at the time. It had none of the elements that I then associated with a "good movie" (it starred neither gorgeous hunks nor glamorous leading ladies and had no heart-pounding action or suspense). I don't know why I watched it last night on HBO. I bawled like a baby. Practically at every scene. It was exhausting.

Maybe I am so moved by the story the second time around because I myself am a mother now. I now know the anguish every mother feels when her child is sick. I, too, will away my child's every cold, every bump, every tummy ache, and wish it upon myself. What mother has not?