I was having lunch with my in-laws a month or so ago (
it was Hubby’s birthday lunch celebration) when the subject of the
Hayden Kho-Katrina Halili sex tapes came up (as
it invariably did in all conversations those days). My youngest brother-in-law says it was “
totally unbelievable” the way Katrina Halili kept bemoaning her humiliation during the Senate hearing, how she hadn’t received offers for work, how she had lost all her endorsement deals, yadda
yadda yadda, since the infamous video was released. “
Sobra naman how she ranted on and on like that;” he said, “
She’s a bold star naman ...”
My mother-in-law chimes in, “
It’s also the fault of those girls, [referring to Katrina, Maricar [Reyes], and the still unidentified “Brazilian model”]
; they were doing an immoral thing … They have no one to blame but themselves.”
A sister-in-law adds, “
Especially that Katrina Halili – she and Hayden were cheating on Vicki Belo. Kulasisi siya; eh di kasalanan niya.”
I was feeling mighty peeved as it then stood when another sister-in-law says, “
Kawawa nga si Hayden sa hearing; I actually feel bad for him.”
That did it. Against my better judgment, I snapped, “
I have a hard time feeling anything but disgust for him, actually,” trying to hide my scorn.
She quickly defended, “
But he’s not the one who distributed the video!”
“
But he took them, didn’t he? And without those girls’ consent! …”
I was poised to give my 65- or so-year old mother-in-law and her progeny, natural and otherwise, a stern lecture on prejudice, God help me; but I held my tongue. I figured I would be on the losing end of any debate on the issue anyway – it was 1 against 8 – and God forbid that at the end of it, I could be labeled as “no better” morality-wise than the now infamous and debauched Katrina Halili herself and damn my daughter forever in her family’s eyes as kawawa for having such a misguided mother.
I found myself getting angrier and angrier as the conversation and the day wore on however. Over the course of the next few days, I got angrier still. Everyone I knew and spoke to (excepting only my mother and sister, bless them) shared the view: it is easier to feel sorry for Maricar because she and Hayden were then in a relationship. More importantly, Maricar is a doctor. She deserved better than to be treated like a whore. Kawawa naman. But no sympathy could be spared for Katrina – she is after all not only a bold star but more importantly a kulasisi, and as such was herself committing an act of betrayal against another when the video was taken. Poor Vicki, Hayden’s true girlfriend, they said. Poor Dr. Vicki Belo. Katrina deserved what she got.
I am reminded of antiquated* legal cases I read in law school on rape (which Merriam-Webster defines as “an outrageous violation”, among other more common definitions), where the accused’s guilt or innocence rested largely on whether the victim was “virtuous” or a “loose woman.” If the victim was the latter, the cases seem to say, she must have consented, or worse, she must have asked for it. In any event, at the very least, she most certainly must have deserved it. In one 1946 rape case, Justice de Joya wrote:
"A beautiful woman is said to be a jewel; a good woman, a treasure; and that a virtuous woman represents the only true nobility. And they are the future wives and mothers of the land … "
It’s maddening, isn’t it? Because we all know (at least if we are to be PC) that
rape is rape – and a rapist is a rapist – no matter who the victim is. Even the new laws now say so, thank God. ** Rape is an “outrageous violation”, be the injured party a saint, a sinner, the rapist’s wife or a prostitute.
The fact is that
both Katrina and Maricar were
violated, and
outrageously so,
their trust betrayed by a man with whom they chose to share their bed and their bodies. Any woman,
anyone in fact, who’s ever known such intimacy, who has ever given herself completely to someone in that most private way, must surely understand or at the very least imagine the pain of having that trust betrayed.
It is shocking and sad to me how quickly we stack up Katrina and Maricar against each other, and how almost instinctively we condemn Katrina in the end. For Katrina and Maricar are no different, despite the difference in their “professions” and their personal circumstances. Maricar is entitled to no more sympathy because she is a doctor. And Katrina is no less a victim simply because she’s a sexy star.
We are losing sight of the real issue here – and the real culprit. The “tale of the [Hayden] tape” is not about Katrina or Maricar – their virtue or their honor (or lack of it). It’s about the perversion and treachery of Hayden Kho.It is Hayden Kho’s betrayal that deserves our absolute condemnation. And Hayden’s outrageous violation of trust is no less deplorable in Katrina’s case because Katrina is a FHM centerfold, and Hayden’s mistress.
The simple truth is: Neither Katrina nor Maricar consented to the videos being taken; let alone broadcast to the whole world. Hayden Kho simply had
no right. Regardless of what your views are on sex, or what your definition is of morality, or of rape, what Hayden Kho did was wicked and malicious. It was
evil.
Hayden Kho is the villain.
He is the immoral one here. Please, let’s not forget that.
A rapist is a rapist. No matter who the victim is.***
====================================================
* I say “antiquated” but really, even less than 2 decades ago, our Supreme Court Justices were writing sexist crap such as this: “No young Filipina of decent repute would publicly admit that she had been criminally abused, unless that is the truth; for it is her natural instinct to protect her honor”; and “We take judicial cognizance of the fact that in rural areas in the Philippines x x x young ladies are strictly required to act with circumspection and prudence. Great caution is observed so that their reputations shall remain untainted. Any breath of scandal which brings dishonor to their character humiliates their entire families. The fact that Arlene agreed to engage in pre-marital sex is already a disgrace to her family, what more of her acquiescence to have sexual intercourse on a stage near the vicinity where the JS program was being held and prying eyes and ears abound. Thus, she must have reasoned that it is better to cry "rape" and bring suit thereon to salvage her honor in part than to have her reputation sullied in the community by being bruited around and stigmatized as a woman of loose morals.” Unbelievable.
** See http://en.wikipilipinas.org/index.php?title=Anti-Rape_Law_of_1997: “The crime of rape, under the old provisions of the Revised Penal Code, was considered a "Crime Against Chastity," implying that only "virtuous" or "chaste" women can be victims of rape. More emphasis was placed on the "loss of chastity" of a woman or the denigration of her "value" and the staining of her honor, rather than a violation of her being. It was considered a private crime, and only the injured party or specific family members could file a complaint against the perpetrator. Even then, most rape survivor-victims kept quiet about their violation, because prosecution of the case leads to embarrassment, as the defense-respondents often sought to prove that the victim was not "chaste"--thus no rape occurred.
“The Anti-Rape Law of 1997 sought to remedy the failings of the old provisions of the law by reclassifying rape as a Crime Against Persons, thus making it a public crime. This meant that anyone who knew about the crime could file a complaint against the offender, and even if the victim later pardoned the offender or dropped the case, prosecution of the case could still continue.
“It broadened the definition of the crime of rape, made marital rape punishable, and provided certain circumstances wherein rape was considered a heinous crime meriting the death penalty.”
***As I was looking for a cover picture for this post, I ran across this one - http://seriousprattle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/katrina_halili_sex_video_scandal.jpg -- Absolutely horrifying.
My friend said to me the other day that my blog is not up-to-date – I have yet to write about the Wimbledon results. Truth is, I didn’t feel like I had to.
